Whether you’re frolicking with a new partner or the love of your life, banishing these habits from the bedroom will keep you happier, both in and out of the sheets.
Whether you’re frolicking with a new partner or the love of your life, banishing these habits from the bedroom will keep you happier, both in and out of the sheets.
#Don’t bring your workday stresses to bed
Maybe your boss yelled at you, maybe you got into a fight with your best friend—whatever the stressor, leave it outside the bedroom. Studies have shown that people, particularly women, need to be able to shut down their brains in order to experience arousal.
#Don’t let it hurt
“Some people assume sex is a little or a lot painful,” says Kerner. “That’s not true.” Pain during sex signals an issue with arousal, lubrication, perimenopausal or menopausal hormonal shifts, an improper position, or a lack of communication. Tell your partner, and don’t be afraid to integrate more lube or foreplay into your time together.
#Call them by your ex’s name.
“Calling your wife by your ex-wife’s name. Let me tell you that does not end on a happy note.”
#Don’t assume you’ve got all the right moves
It’s impossible to know your partner’s desires right off the bat. Communication is critical to all aspects of the relationship, and by working to understand what your partner prefers, you’ll be building a more fulfilling physical and emotional relationship.
#Insult their genitals.
“Don’t insult anyone’s genitals during sex. Women don’t need to hear that their unshaved vulva is ugly and men don’t need to hear that their uncut penis is a turnoff.”
#Don’t be shy about sharing your fantasies
“So many women and men are focused on the sex or foreplay they’re not getting instead of talking about what they want” . But it won’t be taken as criticism if you express your desires in a way that’s constructive.if you’re itching to go a little 50 Shades of Gray, say so. “The woman or man who really loves you is going to listen”. That said, neither partner should press for anything that’s outside his or her comfort zone. Trying something new should be exciting, not unsafe or uncomfortable.
#Don’t fake it
Opt for honesty instead of flattery—or just as a way to end something you’re not enjoying. Instead, use the anti-climax as an opportunity to discover how your partner can better satisfy you in bed. “Allow your differences to prompt conversations about what’s working and what’s not” . If you’re concerned that your partner might be putting on a show for your benefit, talk about it, rather than being embarrassed.
#Don’t get hung up on the big O
Focusing on having an orgasm as the goal of intercourse can detract from the overall experience, especially with new partners. “Many women who are having casual sex or are having sex for the first time don’t necessarily orgasm” .
#Don’t feel guilty about imagining someone else
“Having a fantasy playing in your head is a normal and quite effective way to perk up sex with someone you’ve slept with many, many times before”. Fantasy can be a helpful tool in improving arousal or spicing things up, and there’s no reason to feel ashamed of picturing a celebrity, the hottie in the mail room or a stranger you’ve seen on the bus. Sexual fantasies are normal and perfectly acceptable—as long as you don’t judge yourself for it or feel guilty, because that can cause relationship problems and less sexual satisfaction overall, research shows.
#Don’t heed the pings and dings
It seems like an obvious mood-breaker, but some people still grab their cell during sex. Not only does pausing to answer a call or text disrupt the rhythm and momentum, but it also conveys to your partner that even during sex, he or she isn’t your highest priority.
#Don’t bring your workday stresses to bed
Maybe your boss yelled at you, maybe you got into a fight with your best friend—whatever the stressor, leave it outside the bedroom. Studies have shown that people, particularly women, need to be able to shut down their brains in order to experience arousal.
#Don’t let it hurt
“Some people assume sex is a little or a lot painful,” says Kerner. “That’s not true.” Pain during sex signals an issue with arousal, lubrication, perimenopausal or menopausal hormonal shifts, an improper position, or a lack of communication. Tell your partner, and don’t be afraid to integrate more lube or foreplay into your time together.
#Call them by your ex’s name.
“Calling your wife by your ex-wife’s name. Let me tell you that does not end on a happy note.”
#Don’t assume you’ve got all the right moves
It’s impossible to know your partner’s desires right off the bat. Communication is critical to all aspects of the relationship, and by working to understand what your partner prefers, you’ll be building a more fulfilling physical and emotional relationship.
#Insult their genitals.
“Don’t insult anyone’s genitals during sex. Women don’t need to hear that their unshaved vulva is ugly and men don’t need to hear that their uncut penis is a turnoff.”
#Don’t be shy about sharing your fantasies
“So many women and men are focused on the sex or foreplay they’re not getting instead of talking about what they want” . But it won’t be taken as criticism if you express your desires in a way that’s constructive.if you’re itching to go a little 50 Shades of Gray, say so. “The woman or man who really loves you is going to listen”. That said, neither partner should press for anything that’s outside his or her comfort zone. Trying something new should be exciting, not unsafe or uncomfortable.
#Don’t fake it
Opt for honesty instead of flattery—or just as a way to end something you’re not enjoying. Instead, use the anti-climax as an opportunity to discover how your partner can better satisfy you in bed. “Allow your differences to prompt conversations about what’s working and what’s not” . If you’re concerned that your partner might be putting on a show for your benefit, talk about it, rather than being embarrassed.
#Don’t get hung up on the big O
Focusing on having an orgasm as the goal of intercourse can detract from the overall experience, especially with new partners. “Many women who are having casual sex or are having sex for the first time don’t necessarily orgasm” .
#Don’t feel guilty about imagining someone else
“Having a fantasy playing in your head is a normal and quite effective way to perk up sex with someone you’ve slept with many, many times before”. Fantasy can be a helpful tool in improving arousal or spicing things up, and there’s no reason to feel ashamed of picturing a celebrity, the hottie in the mail room or a stranger you’ve seen on the bus. Sexual fantasies are normal and perfectly acceptable—as long as you don’t judge yourself for it or feel guilty, because that can cause relationship problems and less sexual satisfaction overall, research shows.
#Don’t heed the pings and dings
It seems like an obvious mood-breaker, but some people still grab their cell during sex. Not only does pausing to answer a call or text disrupt the rhythm and momentum, but it also conveys to your partner that even during sex, he or she isn’t your highest priority.
